Stories and thoughts about family and life

My child, my mirror

on January 19, 2012

I look at my children, and I see so much of myself sometimes it’s frightening.  The quick wit that my family all seems to share, the deep and emotional eyes, the ability to see a story for more than it really is.  It’s amazing to think that these little people are so much of me, and then sometimes not, or maybe just a side of me I don’t see or don’t want to see.  Today is my oldest child’s 11th birthday, and I see the cool person he’s developing into and the cool kid he is now.  I miss the toddler days, the cuddles when we’d reunite after school and the warm “I Love You” messages I used to get.  Now he’s too cool to be seen with me holding his hand in public, and I have to remind myself that he’s growing up and I have to start letting go a little more.

It’s taken quite the dose of courage for me to let him go to the bathroom alone in restaurants (although it’s easier when both boys go together), and they’ve heard me say things so many times to them about strangers, that now they repeat them back before I even get a chance to say them.  They know our phone numbers (all of them) and our addresses.  They know not to repeat everything they hear (well, most of the time anyway), and they will likely surpass my computer abilities in just a couple of years.  But they’re still my babies.

It’s funny to me how sweet and emotional they can be.  Those moments when we all first get up in the morning and they still want to come and get in bed with me for a few minutes, or how they’re fascinated with my special blanket in the living room–the one I like to curl up on the couch with.  I’ve finally succumbed and realized it hasn’t been mine for quite some time.  They still kiss me and hug me and tell me they’re my babies.   I guess I’m getting sentimental in my old age, having just turned 40, but I realize there will be a time in the very near future where I’ll likely stop hearing those messages with any real frequency. They can’t wait to tell me about their day at school, and they finally say “yes ma’am” the way they’ve been taught all these years. Now if we could just keep our laundry picked up and everything put away. . .

I’m hard on both of them, but especially Lucas.  He’s had a hard road with school the past couple of years and I don’t want to let him lull himself into complacency.  He is extremely smart, and has remarkable reasoning skills.  He is quick-tongued and sensitive, and I admire him for all those attributes.  I fight fiercely with him and FOR him, and I hope he will appreciate one day the work ethic his dad and I have tried to establish within him.

I look at him and I see myself.  My same green eyes, my mouth, my smile.  He has a love of music like mine, and even moreso.  He’s adopted the clarinet and he’s really good at it.  He’s got good character and, thank God, he’s going to be better at math than I ever was.  He’s a well-rounded person and he’s so special to me.  Happy Birthday, Lucas.


One response to “My child, my mirror

  1. Chris says:

    Happy Belated Birthday, Lucas!!!

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