Stories and thoughts about family and life


on March 12, 2012

Heartbreak and mourning.  We’ve all done it to some degree at various courses of our lives:  the loss of a friend or a relative, the end of a relationship.  It’s hurtful and that hurt runs deep–sometimes much deeper than we realize.   I was recounting this afternoon with a friend of mine the end of a relationship last summer and the mourning of the loss of what I thought had been a good friendship, as well as the betrayal I endured.  I knew it hurt when it happened.  It, in fact, was so traumatic to me at the time that I simply couldn’t believe what all had happened.  I had a friend and someone who was in business with me completely take advantage of our relationship and my business, and pit several people against me in a battle no two “friends” should ever have to engage.  

I realized in this conversation with my friend this afternoon that while I’ve gotten over the details and moved along quite nicely with my life, the hurt the situation caused is still there and has taught me to exercise caution much more strongly than I had before.

My friend made the remark that I’m kind-hearted and tend to want to trust people.  Shouldn’t we all?  The same way you’re “innocent until proven guilty” shouldn’t you be trustworthy first?  It struck me that I’m the exception, not the rule, in that account.  I do reserve judgment on some people, but on the whole I tend to let people have my trust and friendship until they prove they aren’t worthy.  I’ve been the subject of some bad situations, but I also believe I’ve been the benefit of some really great interactions that way.    I’m always a bit surprised at the “conspiracy theorists” of the world who, much like my own mother, see malevolence on some level with much of the world.  People like that believe everyone is trying to take you for something and only looking out for themselves.  I don’t necessarily buy it.  In the situation with my former friend, I knew there was some discontent between us, but I honestly never saw coming what happened.  When I returned from vacation last summer, I found that she had worked the entire time I was gone on creating a new business–even down to ordering business cards.   I was so flabbergasted I could barely breathe for a moment.  It’s akin to finding out your spouse has had an affair, or finding out your best friend has told your deepest secret.  

I’m finding that as I get older, my reaction to each of these things makes me a little more passive-aggressive when the next one occurs.  Maybe that’s an age-response–I’m not sure. 


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