Stories and thoughts about family and life


on July 18, 2012

I have to admit, I was in a bit of denial about the tweens, and certainly about the teens.  Nevertheless, my sweet 11 year old (11 and a half, I’m sure he’d tell you), is there, and that has hit me full-on the past couple of days.  We changed his school a couple of years ago, mostly because of his struggling with interpersonal relations and feeling like he couldn’t engage.  This new school has been fantastic for him, and he has blossomed so much it’s been amazing to watch his transformation.  He is much more independent and engaged.  He talks more now than he ever has, and he has real conversations with people other than me, which has been wonderful to see.

I always thought that he and I would have such a special bond, and that we would always be close, and maybe we will, but as he ventures into this next evolution of development, he has me wondering a bit.  I was expecting that he would be “too cool” to hold my hand or kiss or hug me in public, but the lack of interest he shows in me when his friends are around is, frankly, hurtful.    I’m so glad to see he has such good friends now and that he’s so interested in spending time with them (because there was a time not so long ago that he wasn’t), but I sometimes miss that shy little boy who wanted nothing more than to hang out with me and was my “mini me” as one of my friends puts it.

He’s 11.  In 7 short years (Heaven knows the first 7 went by in a flash), he’ll be graduating high school and contemplating college plans.  It makes me appreciate how precious little time there is, and how quickly it’s flying by. Those days of my sweet little boy wrapped around my leg are rapidly departing.  That part makes me sad.  Watching the young man he is becoming, however, makes me proud and I watch in awe as he tackles more and more things on his own.  I have so many hopes for his future, and I can imagine the type of man he will become.

I have the same feelings for my younger son, who is 9, but I think in my mind I still have more time with him.  He still likes to cuddle up with me in the bed and watch a movie, or will give me a sweet kiss on the cheek when he wants something.

I remember when I was first married, not even sure I wanted children, just enjoying life.  Now everything I do (practically) revolves around my kids.   I was never exceptionally “maternal” but I would lay down my life for these two, and be happy to do it.  It’s amazing how motherhood changes a person.  I suppose that’s why the movement away hurts even more.  I have tried to raise my children to be independent kids, with good critical thinking skills and the ability to care for themselves.  I guess it just never occurred to me watching them exercise that independence would be directed at me.


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