Stories and thoughts about family and life

European Vacation–No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

on September 9, 2012

I have a grandmother who lives in Europe.  We talked a couple of years ago about going on a big vacation with the family and stopping in to see her for a couple of days.  We ended up bailing on that idea because of the economy and how the dollar was impacted.    Now, my grandmother is aging, so I really wanted to make a priority of getting over there and seeing her.  She’s never met my children, although she sends them gifts each year.  My husband and I talked about it and decided 2013 needed to be the year.  I start working on the planning–evaluating what travel would cost, and what we could maybe do.  I mention it to my grandmother in a letter and tell her we’ll be there next June and that I’d like to take her out for her birthday.

That’s where it all went south.  Apparently my grandmother is a very old-school person, who believes that when you have family in town, they must stay with you (which I never said I was going to do).  She had a relative of hers scan my letter to my sister, and then my grandmother felt the need to call my mother and get my entire family wound up about a trip we didn’t even have fully planned yet, and why we shouldn’t make it.  I can’t even articulate how much this whole situation has hurt my feelings.  From my sister who couldn’t seem to set my grandmother straight about what my intentions actually were to my grandmother who felt the need to involve anyone but ME in this discussion, to the never-ending thing I find myself doing with my family.  I can’t stand two-faced people with hidden agendas.  Say it to my face, or don’t say it.

So, now, what was going to be a way for my children to get to meet their great grandmother has turned into me questioning my relationship with half my family.  That legacy I was hoping they would get to share now seems unimportant and has me questioning what I revered in this relationship so much anyway.  I’d love to tell you that I just let this roll off my back and move on, but as I’ve referenced in my previous posts, I can’t let things go that easily.    I really fail to see how it is that your own family can act like your feelings and intentions aren’t important and just kick dirt at you.

You’d think I’d learn, but apparently that’s a hard task for me too.  Maybe one day. . .  or maybe I’ll just accept that I don’t have to act like they all do.  Time will tell.


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