Stories and thoughts about family and life

Houston, we have a problem

on May 19, 2016

We all got up Tuesday morning, knowing we had a lot ahead of us.  Helen had passed away late Monday night, and we knew we would need to go to the funeral home and the church and potentially several other places.

We woke the kids and told them.  I had been very honest with them the previous day and explained what hospice care was, and what that ultimately meant.  I had promised them they could go to the hospital and see their grandmother if they wanted, or they could choose to remember her back in the house giving them cookies from the cookie jar (one of her favorite things to do).  They both only pondered for a moment before making their decision:  no hospital visit.  As we explained to them, they were obviously upset, but we talked about how Grandma didn’t have to be confused or upset anymore, and we all agreed that was for the best for her.

The first appointment was for the funeral home.   We assumed we would spend an hour there, reaffirming everything in her pre-arranged plan and answering a few questions. When we started talking, the funeral home notified us they could not locate Helen’s burial policy.   I pulled up my records on my phone and provided them the information I had.

When we had moved them into the nursing home a couple of years earlier, Helen had two policies, and we were advised to liquidate one of them.  Sounds simple, right?  It was.  We called the company, they sent Louis a form, a few signatures and a notary later and the form was on its way back to them.  The policy was liquidated and we were on her way.  We didn’t have to worry because Helen had an irrevocable burial policy on which everything was prepaid.

I spent some time in the office of the funeral home, stepping through what had happened.  It appeared, at first, as though the insurance company cashed out the wrong policy.  As the events developed, though, we discovered that there TWO people with almost identical name, nearly the same birth date, who both used the same funeral home and insurance company for pre-arrangements.   All anyone could tell us is that there was no money in the burial policy, which now meant we were going to have to find a way to cover the cost of the funeral and all the related expenses.  Needless to say we were extremely anxious and frustrated.

It took two days and several phone calls with the involvement of multiple people, but we finally got down to the bottom of it.  When we liquidated the policy, the insurance company didn’t realize that it was on a different person, and allowed us to cash it out.  A year ago, that lady passed away, and they realized there was no money in her fund.  They did, however, see there was money in the fund we left.  Again, not realizing it was two different people, they just opted to use that fund instead.  It’s taken some work, but we finally got everybody on the same page and got the funding issue worked out.

I’m here to tell you, if you want to see four adult children nearly lose their minds over something, tell them the burial policy they were confident would cover all the expenses doesn’t actually have any money in it.

Now that it’s all over, we can laugh about it.  I can tell you that on Tuesday, we were far from laughing.  By the time I got off the phone with the people at the various places, everyone was tired of talking to me, and I was sick to my stomach.  It’s bad enough to have made a mistake, but to go through stuff like this as a grieving family is ridiculous.

Yesterday was much more peaceful and moved at a much easier pace as we visited with the church and the nursing home and finalized arrangements.  We were able to laugh as we shared stories and made decisions.  You could see the relief across everyone’s face as we received the news mid-morning that everything was handled.

And, of course, when I asked the funeral home how many times they had gone through something like this, the response was “never.”  The guy who owns the funeral home has done this over 30 years.  Nothing like this has ever happened.  Ever.  Of course it would be us.

As yesterday wound down and we completed the last few errands we had, I was grateful we weren’t doing this alone.   I am grateful we’ve been able to work it all out, and that we all get along.  I’m grateful that I’m an OCD freak who keeps EVERYthing.  I’m grateful that despite me being borderline rude, the funeral home personnel understood and continued to help us pursue the right course of action, I’m grateful that I could take this one burden off my husband and sister-in-law.

Today is a much more relaxed day.  We have a couple of last-minute things we want to handle, and tonight is the Visitation and Rosary.  We have received such an outpouring of love and support from friends and relatives, and I’m glad we could all be together for this.  If there’s anything I’ve learned about the week, it’s to have my ducks in a row so hopefully my kids won’t have to go through anything like this when we pass away.



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